Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
