i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
