By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
