did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
