god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
