your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
