i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
