I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
