im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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