Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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