so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
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Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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