as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
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Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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