Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My pussy is not your playground.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
