Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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