The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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