i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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