please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Welp...herpes.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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