have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
