I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
