Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
