So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
