Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
