It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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