yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Come see our sink grown plant.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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