I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
