Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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