i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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