So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
