I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
