I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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