Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
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Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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