Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
