I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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