He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
