Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
