how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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