dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
