I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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