I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Rumble strips road head = magical
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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