I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
you never un-have a 4some
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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