we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
