Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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