Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
