Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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