I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
