Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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