it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
