I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
