Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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