for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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