my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
