there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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