He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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