I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
