So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
