I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
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When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize