she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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