No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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