We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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