She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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