you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
All the doctor said was why
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
