Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
