i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
