I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
